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I Used To Date Someone That Was Ashamed of Me

When I was a teenager, I used to date this gorgeous girl I was madly in love with. She was perfect. She was beautiful, intelligent, and funny. I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life.

As I reflect on my past, I can't help but think -- "dude, you were fucking tripping." This girl was the exact opposite from how I perceived her as. She wasn't beautiful, she was an ugly person with an ugly heart that was deeply ashamed of me because of my disability.

She kept me a secret the entire time we dated. Then called me a liar when I started telling people about our relationship. That shit broke me. It changed me forever. I can't tell when someone actually likes me anymore. I don't trust anyone anymore.

I felt stupid, and embarrassed. She was the one lying about everything but was determined to make me look like the liar.

I don't know why I'm sharing this story. I feel it's an important story that changed me forever. I am still traumatized by this experience. It has shaped who I am today. And I want to unpack it all. I want to reprogram my subconscious thinking about disability and relationships. In order to do this, I need to do some writing and researching.

This is what ChatGPT says about shame and disability:

Shame can be a common experience for individuals with disabilities, as they may be subjected to negative attitudes and stigma from others. These attitudes and stigma can lead to feelings of inadequacy, embarrassment, and self-doubt.

One reason for this shame is that disability is often seen as a deviation from the norm, and individuals with disabilities may be judged based on their differences. This can lead to feelings of shame, as they may feel like they are not measuring up to societal expectations.

Additionally, individuals with disabilities may be subject to discrimination and exclusion, which can also contribute to feelings of shame. They may be denied opportunities, accommodations, or access to resources, which can further perpetuate feelings of inadequacy.

It is important to recognize that shame is not inherent to disability, but rather a product of societal attitudes and beliefs. Working to change these attitudes and promoting inclusion and acceptance can help reduce shame and stigma for individuals with disabilities. Counseling and therapy can also be helpful in addressing feelings of shame and building self-esteem.

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